Again and Again and Again
by Lightning And Blossoms
Summary: In my state of exhaustion, I could have sworn I saw a silhouette behind some bush... Annie Cresta's Point Of View Of Her Games.
1. Chapter One And So I Lost My Mind

**Again and Again and Again**;

_CHAPTER ONE: and so I lost my mind:_

I'm scared. Of course I'm scared. I can't get out of my head the people who were killed here. I wander why I'm not dead yet- I haven't killed anybody and there's only three people left, and I think Matt is one of them.

He is my neighbour: has been for about 9 years, and we only started the last few years hanging out, like the only way bored, innocence friends can. He has a girlfriend, Rebecca. I wander what she thinks, watching him now. I know their still together: he vaguely told me during training days and days ago. He told me he wants to win... Because he proposed to her in the justice building. I was shocked when he told me, but then, I can't judge, and if they love each other... Maybe it'll all work out. But I don't know anymore, what to believe in. Is hope lost? Maybe, but I think I'm in denial.

Anyway, if I don't survive, I hope that Matt does.

I know somehow, somewhere inside me, I am dead. I think a little bit of you dies when you witness things in these arenas. I'll never get back to myself again because I'll never forget what I've watched.

The gamemakers are obviously not happy with me. No canon has been shot for about a day and a half. I've been hiding all these games and unfortunately I've had to witness almost every single death in this arena. I've needed to hide in different areas, search for water or food... And every time, I've always had to witness someone being tortured before being killed. It feels like everyone knows exactly where I am, and they always try to scare me and scar me with these deaths. Sometimes it happens right at midnight, right under my tree or around the corner or in the flicker of somebody's camp light.

It used to be that I could close my eyes and I'd see them being murdered again and again... But now I don't even need to close my eyes see them.

One of the hardest things I've had to face in this arena, so far, is the fact that I have to keep my mouth shut. I'd have to watch the murders happen and not say anything, not stop it. I know later on... I'll never understand why I let that happen, what I thought. But at the moment I decide not to think about it. Because I even watched thirteen year olds being mocked and threatened and then killed mercilessly.

It's early morning now. I climb down the tree I've been hiding in for the last two days. I don't prefer it: I'm not great heights and I'm not gracious at climbing them, but I can, and it's safest.

My head feels heavy and I know it was stupid not to have slept for the past night. My throat and tongue are completely parch: reminding me that I'm dehydrated. What was I thinking? Maybe if I stay up in the tree, I'll be safe: avoid everything and pretend it didn't happen... I think maybe I'm too tired to care about anything. It could be denial, but I'm happy to be in denial of being in denial.

In my state of exhaustion, I could have sworn I saw a silhouette behind some bush.

I'm about to walk away, when I heard it: the scream. The scream feels screechy and pierces down my spine coldly. I was frozen down on the spot, shocked and only barely remembering that the murderer could be coming after me. So, I do the most rational thing: I start moving my legs... And suddenly, before I realise it, I'm ducking behind the bush.

I'm curious to see whose there- maybe I'll know who to avoid. Or maybe it's Matt and I don't need to leave-

"WAIT!" a rough voice yelps.

And then the district 7 boy beheaded Matt.

I hadn't braced myself. And so I lost my mind. Finally.**_  
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**_Author's Note; Please review and let me know what you think!  
P.S. I don't own anything... expect, you know, the plot line thing on this fanfiction... FAN-FICTION... :) -Lightning And Blossoms_**


	2. Chapter 2 Uncontrol

**Again and Again and Again**;

_CHAPTER TWO; uncontrol:_

I'm horrified. Of course I'm horrified. I can't breath. Maybe I'm dreaming. I could be. I don't feel real- I can't feel my legs.

Somehow I know it's real because of the terror that snapped in my mind when the District 7 Boy turned around and almost saw me. I let myself collapse onto the ground, safe behind the bush. Unless he'd look over the bush, down onto me. But I can't see anything- I wouldn't know of him there until the sharp edge of the axe would cut my body in half. I can only see Matt and the look on his face, and the look of his body, not having his head... the blood-

I hear a noise, from the boy and I don't think; blindly, I start crawling forward, going along the line of the bushes. It was almost like the bushes were made for me- for this moment. Once I think I was far enough from the place I once lay, I crawled between two bushes, feeling them poke me and I have to sit upwards, in a ball with my face covered by my hands so that the bushes wouldn't poke my eyes out.

I hope that these bushes are large enough to hide me, but I think they are because I hear his footsteps walk into the area where I stayed a few minutes ago. I don't dare turn my head and look to see if he's still there, mainly because I was terrified that I'd see his face inches from mine, blood-shot eyes huge and staring at me like a hungry mutt. I suddenly realise I'm sobbing. I'm not actually crying; I'm sobbing. I don't try to stop myself, because temporarily I don't see Matt's head fly onto the cold ground fast and harsh, because I'm trying to breath.

Finally I realise that boy must've walked away; if he thought I was really here- I'd be dead already. Maybe I am dead already. I also realise that I can't breath in the tight space between the bushes, anymore. The thought crosses me that he could be making camp where I had been the last two days... but I don't think about it anymore because suddenly I remember when I saw Matt and Rebecca; his fiancee, a year ago; happily laughing... and now she's watched him being decapitated. I don't know who I'm more sad for- me, or her.

My head is a dizzy mess and I've forgotten about my parch mouth and throat. It's like my mind is throwing me signals and I'm overwhelmed, because suddenly I'm out of the bushes and I'm standing. But I'm blind. I'm actually blind. I can't see- everything is flashing and my vision is slowly going. I can't talk- nobody is here to help me, expect maybe the male whose chopped Matt's life in half.

I see blackness. I feel like I've just woken up from sleep, but then my head still feels dizzy. I'm on the ground, the blackness is behind my eyelids. I open my eyes, feeling halfheartedly relieved that I could see- that there's not flashing, no world spinning... I've collapsed on the floor. My stomach feels like it's contracting into itself. I haven't aten in about four days... but I haven't drank water... about three days, wasn't it? My thoughts are frazzled, it's a calculating mess.

I try to calm my breathing. I don't know what happened to me; but I'm too scared to face the fact that I might have fallen unconscious- fainted? For the moment, I don't remember anything that's happened. I'm only aware of the dull feeling I have; the loss of faith and hope and that I need to find a safe place with water... I fear that with every strained and pressured pulse I breath, it's my life fading before me.

Maybe I'm already dead. What's wrong with death now? I've already had death placed upon me after everytime I watched one die... I start sobbing again before I even realise why. That's what I see; Matt's life-less eyes when his head's been chopped off. The male didn't even look at him after that; life mean't nothing. Winning's the goal. Matt was only a few months older than me; soon he was going to be 18 years old.

Still sobbing, I lift myself off the ground. The ground feels shaky and I hear weird sounds around it. I would laugh at it if I wasn't worried that the fact I feel the world shattering, was because I was shaking. Right? It's not like the arena's going to suddenly crumble around me.

I lift my hand up in front of my eyes too see if I was. I was shaking uncontrollably but I had to ignore it. I started walking when I heard a weird noise.

Maybe I'm insane too.

**_Author's Note; Please review and let me know what you think!  
This was in the beginning, supposed to be a one-shot... but then I enjoyed writing it so much I turned it into three parts. And somebody had also asked for more :) I was happy to comply.  
P.S. I don't own anything... expect, you know, the plot line thing on this fanfiction... FAN-FICTION... :) -Lightning And Blossoms_**


	3. Chapter 3 Driven

**Again and Again and Again**;

_CHAPTER THREE; driven:_

You're not insane, a voice said to me at the back of my head, which I knew where my thoughts.

That's what I was left with- my thoughts. So I'm not insane- maybe I just am really homesick now; because I could have almost sworn that I heard a swoosh of a wave from the beach. I am from District 4, of course. If I was to think of home, besides the people I love... I'd think of the ocean.

I start walking again, my legs feeling wobbly. I continue sobbing after a while, thinking of Matt. It's horrible- I've witnessed other deaths in the arena, but they were slow, they were taunting; the victims always had the chance to try- they were aware of it, they were aware of the predator there... I've witnessed other deaths in the games on the television; but I guess the Captiol has made them seem surreal; especially over the television. But there was no taunting, no warning, no awareness for Matt; it was abrupt; it was cold, instinctive kill... of somebody whose grown into my friend for nine years. I think I've fallen unconsciouss again because there's a blackness for a moment, but then I ralised it's because I've covered my hands with my face.

I'm weak. I'm broken. I'm such an easy kill. Because here in the arena; the gamemakers have made it so easy- and here I am, just standing in the middle of God-knows-where, covering my face and sobbing with the mental images of a death.

I start running. Running and running, leaving the area of where I hid and where Matt lost forever the Game. I'm running as fast as I could, and after swimming in District 4 since birth, my muscles in my arms and legs are strong enough to carry me somewhere fast and simple, at least for a while. I kept running and running fast; sobbing so hard, that I keep losing my breath, the wind speeding through my hair and my chest feeling heavy.

I shouldn't be enduring this speed after collapsing, after everything I've witnessed, being dehydrating. I'm probably pushing my body to it's limits. That's good; maybe I'll die and I'll leave this horrible life forever- never to return to these sadistic memories and rough life. But no, I'm going to keep running. I'm not going to stop unless I see a lake. I'm going to keep running...

I'm panting. My head is pounding.

I hear swooshing noises. It drives me insane.

I keep running.

I start panting through my mouth; which is worse because it's parch and dry and rough.

I keep running.

I hear a sudden yelp and a crash of a wave onto a tree, bouncing off. Confused, I slow down my running; sobbing the only thing keeping me alive, giving me more oxgyen than my panting.

I look behind me and I stop breathing. This isn't right. This is insane. I don't even let myself be aware of the fact that I've ran metres and metres away and away... because far, far away, I see some blue in contrast to the bushes and the brown and the green.  
I see the District 7 boy cry, only a few steps away from me. He looks at me and drops the axe that still has the dry blood of...

I see Matt's face in front of me, smiling and saying what he said to me two years ago, "It's okay, Annie! I'm here; I wouldn't let a wave get between us."

Expect he's not in front of me, he's not smiling any more; his body is probably somewhere- taken by a hovercraft a long time ago. And he won't be able to turn into a doctor one day, any more.

I was so focused into a memory, that I realise that wave in right infront of me, gaining quickly, like a quick wave in a heavy wind, gaining onto the sand on the beach. The boy from District 7 is already caught in the water- the water is everywhere, everywhere I look, and now I'm apart of it.

I keep sobbing, but it's slowed down. I'm apart of my District for the moment. It's a surreal moment. I don't know what happened to the District 7 boy, and I don't want to know. I keep swimming, slowly at first. But the current of the water is fast. I keep up with it easily.

**_Author's Note; And of course, we all know what happens next. Please review and let me know what you think!  
P.S. I don't own anything... expect, you know, the plot line thing on this fanfiction... FAN-FICTION... :) -Lightning And Blossoms_**


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